In many religions, “reckoning” or “day of reckoning” refers to the Last Judgment, a time when individuals are judged for their actions and deeds in life.
I am at odds with this as my newly formed belief gives me a God that creates all for everything yet creates nothing for me. Prayers are not answered as there is no one to pray to in a traditional sense. My prayers are in the form of gratitude. Gratitude for all bestows want for naught.
God is the all powerful constant state of creativity. A creativity that is neither good nor bad. Positive nor negative. Living or dying. There is no difference between good and evil as they are simply constructs of a conscious mind. The one thing that I have come to understand as an actor is that characters do not hate themselves. Even a sadistic, bestial, necrophiliac has things about themselves that they love and therefore do not see themselves as bad or evil. I see the magnificence of conscious thought as much as its insignificance in the expanse of all that is.
As my sense of connection to all that is strengthens, I become aware of how my life has had an impact on others. Some “positive” and some “negative” depending on how they view their place in their world and I can’t deny that some felt pain as a result of a disruption in my creative connection. For that I am sorry.
Today is my day of reckoning. Not because I want to enter some fabled after life but because I have but this moment to create beauty as I see it. I am an artist creating a life. I am one with Creativity. One with God. I will endeavour to be as true to myself as I am true to all. Here in Heaven.
